Early retirement has been my goal since 2009, and over the last 11 years I’ve worked pretty hard at it. I’ve saved, and planned, and imagined how awesome it was going to be. I was in a pretty good position even before 2009. I saved a good portion of my salary because I told my clients they needed to. I felt like I couldn’t tell them to do what I wasn’t willing to do myself. I married my husband in 2002, and he was in even better financial shape than I was. He is older, he’d been contributing to his 401K longer, was making more money than I was, and he hadn’t gone through a divorce. We worked hard, saved a lot, didn’t buy new cars, etc.
I didn’t tell many people, and the reactions from the people I did tell were mixed. A few were bewildered at why I’d want to, some were supportive of my “goal” (though most of those didn’t take me seriously) and some just thought it was a bad idea and told me I’d be bored. I persisted, keeping progress discussions between myself and my husband, and sometimes an online retirement forum.
I’d been told that notifying clients would be rough, but I wasn’t expecting some of the reactions I got. People seemed to be upset because I was able to retire young. A client and acquaintance of myself and my husband, about my age, was incredulous and angry. “You mean to tell me that you and your husband have enough money to retire??” I couldn’t think of anything to say at first except “Erm, yes.” Not very smooth of me, I know. I was really taken aback.
For some background info, “John” has a stay at home wife, two teenage kids in private school and some very nice vehicles in his driveway. I thought quickly. “You know John, my job is very stressful and I’ve been at it for nearly 25 years. My kids are teenagers now and I’d like to be at home with them a little more. I’m taking the company offered retirement plan because it lets me choose the advisors who will be taking over for me and personally introduce them to my clients. I don’t know that I’m retired forever, but I need a little time off…”
I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard come out of my mouth. Did I just make excuses for achieving a goal I had been working towards for 11 years? Yes I did. I was horrified at myself, and more than a little upset. I was mentally done for the day after that.
After a stiff workout and a glass of wine I thought about the conversation. I sort of thought most people were going to be happy for me. There were a few, but the average reaction I was getting was not positive. It turned out that nearly everyone thought it was a bad idea for one reason or another. Were they right, or was something else going on?
Pretty shortly after that, I found out that John’s wife, who had never worked before, was looking for a job. I wondered if the company he worked for was doing well and if he had concerns for his own job. It began to occur to me that its not that people weren’t happy for me, they weren’t really thinking of me at all. They were using my news to measure their own lives.
Perhaps (like my husband) a strong work ethic is a very important to them. They like to work and can’t understand why I don’t want to (I sense this from a lot of older men.) Perhaps they were just beginning to realize that retirement was looming and they hadn’t saved enough. Me retiring was not a pleasant reminder of what they could have done. Or maybe my plan was so foreign to them that they just couldn’t imagine it. Everyone seems to think the choices they make are the best ones. Maybe early retirement seemed like a bad idea, because if was a good idea, they’d have done it themselves.
I began to explain my retirement somewhat differently to people depending on THEIR situation. To the older retired men who sometimes worked 40 years at their jobs, I reminded them of their wives who stayed at home, and that I wanted to do that too, before my kids were grown and gone. To people with kids my age or older, I reminded them how stressful teenagers could be, and I simply needed more time with them than my job allowed, or some time off and a career change. To teachers and anyone who works for local or state government, I point out that I have my “25 years in.” Most of them retire after 25 years of service with a pension.
Some people seem to object for an entirely different reason- because I’m young, they thought I’d be around long enough to help sort out their estates. I don’t really have an answer for that one except that I did my best to leave them in good hands.
Sometimes I get comments that I’m too young to young to retire, or that I’m too smart and personable to just sit at home. I wonder if my sister (who for years was a stay at home mom by choice) ever heard this sort of thing. I decided it was a “funeral home comment”- you know, the sort of thing people say when they don’t know what to say. I’ll just take that as a compliment, since I think that’s how it was meant.
I was concerned clients would think that I was able to retire early because I charged them so much, but I haven’t gotten that impression (and it isn’t true). A few of them joked that I really AM good at retirement planning- look how well I planned my own!
I thought that I would announce my retirement with pride- Because I am proud that I’ve been able to do this. I’ve come to realize though, that a lot of the reactions I’m getting are about them, not me. If it makes other people feel better that I want to be a stay at home mom, that’s fine with me. And all of that is the truth, its just the truth that seems easiest for them to understand.
Some people get it though- a pal at the gym was delighted for me, and said he only had two years to go himself. He told me that some days his job was so stressful he didn’t know how he’d make it. I confessed to all the days I was at the end of my rope and looked at my countdown to retirement app for comfort. He downloaded it before he left the gym.
** I wrote a different post for this week but I decided I didn’t like it. I was looking for a half-finished post to work on, and I found this one that I wrote about 8 months ago and for some reason, hated. I like it now, so I’m publishing it instead. Maybe I’ll like the one I wrote this weekend in a month or two…
I am enjoying your blog very much. . I too worked in the financial services industry and retired at the age of 48 (unbelievably, almost 7 years ago now). I have never regretted it. I remember my final day walking around and saying goodbye to everyone. Many people said « I’m happy for you, but I’m sad for me » which I think is a polite and honest response. Surprisingly, no one asked how I did it. I remember when I first started working and met a couple in their late forties or early fifties who were retiring and, being a nosy young person, I asked (politely, I hope) how they did it and what advice they would have. Perhaps people can only realize it’s possible if they have met someone who has done it? Thank you for sharing your perspective.
I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog! You make an excellent point- I didn’t think of early retirement as a possibility until the 2008-2009 recession struck. I knew I didn’t want to go through another recession in my job, and I was thinking of a career change until I stumbled across a FIRE blog. I didn’t know of anyone who had retired (in real life) really early, and hadn’t even thought of it as I was enjoying my job up until that point. That blog was a huge help to me in changing my perspective and I started my blog to hopefully help someone else.
I like this post too. I suspect you’re right that the reaction of others can often say more about them than it does about you – I hadn’t thought about that too much.
I also had mixed reactions, but I think most people were happy for me, perhaps mixed with some confusion as to how and why as well as concern that I’d somehow lost my mind. I think the “what will you do, you’ll be bored and soon be back to work” comment is particularly interesting, to me it can be a shame to hear that someone can’t think of alternative activities to their job.
I did get some very nice responses and I should have written more about that in the post. A couple of clients made me tear up when they told me how my help had impacted them. I guess I wrote mostly about the negative responses because I found it so surprising. The comments people make about not knowing what to do with their time or being bored always confuses me too. Its not like anyone has trouble thinking of things to do on weekends!