Category: Other Stuff

Other Stuff, Uncategorized

On Aging

shesfired

Lately I have been waking up with stiff ankles. Really stiff. Truthfully, I fairly hobble the first two or three steps out of bed. Thankfully its gone after that, except if I sit with my legs folded under me, which I do frequently. I’m a bit stiff then too. I called my dad to ask about this, and he told me that its probably the beginnings of arthritis. ARTHRITIS?? I’m 48. His advice? Just mention it to your doctor the next time you go, and don’t stop moving. Even though it hurts, moving is the best thing for it. Awesome.

I am remarkably healthy, and I intend to keep myself that way if at all possible. Two years ago I read “Younger Next Year” and it really changed the way I thought about health. For years I have eaten healthy, and since that book, I also exercise vigorously and regularly. I’m slim and in pretty good shape and I take exactly zero medications aside from the occasional allergy meds or aspirin and ibuprofen.

Nonetheless, I am beginning to feel my age. In addition the the occasional stiffness, I don’t sleep well anymore, I don’t tolerate alcohol well anymore, and I can see my age in the mirror. I have a few gray hairs, a few more wrinkles around my eyes, and even my hands are showing lines that weren’t there only a few years ago.

What I find most interesting though, is how we think about age, or more specifically, how age makes us think about people. The other day I was showing my kids a high school picture album, and I came across a picture of myself with my parents. I was 16 and my mom was a little younger than I am now. She was STUNNING. How did I never notice how beautiful my mom was? It might be that she’s my mom, but I don’t remember noticing how pretty her friends were either. They have very good looking children, and they are now very handsome 70 year old women. I suspect they were way above average looking. How did I miss this?

I have thought about it a lot, and I think we just do. Maybe humans see people their age and younger as somehow different and more relatable than people who are older. We notice young people because we’ve been there. And now that I am older, I’m seeing it from a whole different perspective.

A hilarious example is that a few years ago my husband and I were sitting in a cafe in a city in Eastern Europe. There weren’t very many Americans about, and a young lady (college age) at a nearby table struck up a conversation with us. Her mother was from this country and she was visiting relatives. She was very nice, and one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in person. My husband was trying hard not to stare, and honestly I couldn’t blame him, she looked like a super-model.

When she said her farewells and walked away, I realized she had no idea that my husband admired her at all- because at 55, he was about the same age as her DAD. She could have been our kid, and that’s how she saw us- older folks about her parents age. Wow. Did men ever look at me that way when I was in my 20’s and I was completely oblivious? Do 60 and 70 year old men look at me that way now? Do we all only notice our generation and younger?

A year or so ago at the gym I was talking to some of the regulars between sets. We were joking around, and a guy slightly older than me made a mildly flirtatious comment. I laughed at him and walked away. A nearby 20-something guy (a regular at the gym) watched us with an expression of astonishment on his face. He stared at me as if he had never seen me before. Perhaps he hadn’t.

Other Stuff, Uncategorized

Life Goes On…

shesfired

I haven’t written a post because life is happening around here. Specifically, we are having trouble with our 16 year old son. One of the reasons I’m retiring early is that teenagers require a lot of patience, and its hard to be patient at the end of a long and stressful day in my job. I didn’t know I was going to need that extra patience this soon.

Partially thanks to the coronavirus shutdown, we are dealing with some issues with our child, and the old punishments are not having the desired effect. We’re either going to have to ground him again, and hope he grows up, or do something disruptive to his way of thinking.

Last week I alternated between tears and nausea. I discussed the situation with friends, did a lot of researching and made some appointments. We’re going to figure this out. The upside of this? I could not have been effective at work last week. At all. And I didn’t have to be. Work was not an additional weight on my mind, which is good, because it would not have been fair to my clients. I couldn’t have done both, and my family comes first.

I am also glad that we over-saved for retirement as one of the solutions we are considering is a pricey private school. If we’d saved just barely enough, that particular solution wouldn’t be on the table at all. Is this what I expected from early retirement? No, but I’m glad its giving me the flexibility to deal with the most important issues in my life- my family.

Other Stuff, Uncategorized

Better

shesfired

What a difference a week can make. My mother is home, and improving every day. She was sent home with an oxygen tank which she used about 70% of the time when she first got home. Now she only uses it to sleep, and she says she wouldn’t even need it then if she didn’t sleep “all scrunched up,” but she does. Dad had the lightest of cases. Had only a mild fever for about 5 days and then it disappeared, and has not returned. Mom says he has discovered an app that calls birds, and he’s sitting in the yard taking pictures of the birds that respond.

The market seems to have calmed itself somewhat. The news that the peak is nearing seems to have debunked the worst case scenarios that have been circulating. The market climbed 7% Monday, and is up another 3% as I type this on my lunch break.

I am considered “essential,” but I’m not feeling too essential lately. My replacements are coming rapidly up to speed and need my input less and less. Which is a good thing because I’m becoming increasingly detached from my job. I didn’t mean to, its just happening.

The advisor taking over my office is redecorating- she’s painted everything that will be still long enough. It no longer looks like my office at all. I feel like I should care about this, but I don’t. I’ve moved to the smaller back office- and I don’t have much to do. After I calculated some mortgage refinancing scenarios for a client, I have been reading a novel. I have been skipping out early without a trace of guilt.

My assistant has been directing calls away from me unless the clients are adamant that they will talk to no one else. This isn’t exactly the way it was supposed to go. I was supposed to meet with the client and their new advisor so we could make sure no information was lost, the clients were comfortable with the change etc. Except that can’t happen because we can’t meet with clients. I have checked with the retirement department to make sure we’re doing this right, but there’s no precedent. They don’t know how to handle it either.

I think that clients will be so used to their new advisors, that they won’t even care to meet with us together when we can finally do that. I think the way it was supposed to happen would have been better, but I don’t seem to care very much. I also see a potential problem between one of my successors and my assistant, but again, I can’t seem to care. They’re grown ups and can figure this out, right?

I have somehow checked out of this whole retirement process. That’s probably a good thing. The only problem is, I’m still HERE, twiddling my thumbs. The market is about to close. I might head home and pick some blackberries.

Other Stuff, Uncategorized

A Post from the Front-lines…

shesfired

My life seems to have flipped upside down. Or sideways. I’m so disoriented I simply can’t tell where I am anymore.

I had my very first panic attack ever the day my brother called to let me know that my mom had been admitted to the hospital from symptoms of Coronavirus. She was so sick she could barely pick her head up from the couch. She couldn’t eat, drink, or take her medicine. Scarier still, she couldn’t breathe.

Me? I couldn’t do anything. I only live 100 miles away, but I’m still in quarantine. My brother (he’s a nurse) who lives 15 miles away from my parents said he’d handle it. They kept her only a night, and stuffed her with all sorts of medications.

They sent her home but she wasn’t better. She continued to decline until my dad admitted her again. And then my dad texted to confess that he had to leave the hospital before he spoke to the doctor. He was also having symptoms.

I can’t tell you how long my mom has been in the hospital. It seems like an eternity. I can’t tell you how many panicky texts I’ve sent to my medical friends to have them translate what the doctors are saying. I don’t know what O2 sat is. I didn’t know there were as many antibiotics as my mom has had this week.

I am usually the Queen of Calm; I have to be to keep clients calm when markets are chaotic. I rarely cry, and I have NEVER cried in my office- until this week. I haven’t had a solid night’s sleep in two weeks. I sat up in bed last night gasping at 2am. I dreamed that both of my parents died.

On top of that, the market is still squirrelly, Clients are generally freaked out, and the transition of my clients to their new advisors is full of unexpected challenges (that’s putting it nicely- its been a mess.) Also my kids are at home- until AUGUST. I’ve been wearing out my thermometer trying to make sure my kids and I don’t have Covid-19. I do try not to be a hypochondriac, but its hard not to think a scratchy throat is the plague (instead of seasonal allergies) when you’ve been exposed.

On the plus side, I’m not worried about the market at all. In 2008-09 I kept my cool for my clients, but I was frightened. This one- its fine. Our own portfolio is down a LOT, but I know the market will make it right again, and sooner than most people expect. Quarantine was lovely till my mother got admitted to the hospital. I LIKE puttering around the house, and its been a really long time since my flowerbeds have looked this good.

My oldest son had a 16th birthday without friends or the opportunity to get a drivers license. The seniors at his high school this year will have no prom or graduation. But my mom, I think she’s going to make it. The doctor’s are talking about releasing her tomorrow, with an oxygen tank. Thank God. Dad is fine too- at the moment. But as I’ve learned, this virus can turn fine into scary, faster than you want to think is possible.

On Retiring, Other Stuff, Uncategorized

What a Mess…

shesfired

I have now called all of my clients. Really the first two days were the worst. Thanks to the market decline, everyone called me back pretty quickly. Some conversations were good, some were bad, and some were indifferent.

All the while the market was sinking, and sinking, and sinking. And the world was getting progressively crazier. Somewhere in there my company announced that “…for the safety of our clients and our employees, we are no longer allowing our financial advisors to meet with clients face to face…” I was quite annoyed about this, since the terms of my retirement contract require me to meet with every client (who wants to) with their new advisor, but it turned out to be a good idea.

This morning, my mom tested positive for Covid19. Which means I’m quarantined because I saw her weekend before last. I don’t have any symptoms, and I read that 97% of patients have symptoms by the 10th day (I’m at 9.5) so I’m pretty sure I don’t have it. I called HR and they told me to go home and don’t come back till I was past 14 days exposure to my mom- that’s Monday. I don’t know whether to try to get tested or not. I said TRY because I know of a few people who have fevers or other symptoms who were told they could not have a test. And my mom (who only had a fever) was told that they wouldn’t have given her a test if she hadn’t been over 70 and my dad was told that he wouldn’t be tested.

Then there is the fact that a good deal of our personal portfolio seems to have disappeared. I know this is temporary, but it isn’t any fun at all. It is a good thing that we over-saved for retirement. Even after our substantial losses, all the retirement calculators say we’re still good. Also my retirement pay will almost certainly last longer than the down market will.

I’m an optimist, and one might as well look at the bright side. One positive to all of this is that my clients will have to start talking to their new advisors, because I won’t be available. It will probably make the client meetings go more smoothly. And as of Saturday, responsibility for my clients shifts to the new advisors, so there will be someone else to take care of them if I am out. And I have a mandatory 5 days off to putter around my house…

Other Stuff, Uncategorized

Hobbies I Don’t (Currently) Have Time For…

shesfired

I just bought a couple hundred dollars worth of plants I don’t have time to put in the ground. My flowerbeds are an absolute disaster at the moment and I have been meaning to fix it- for the last year at least. Its a long story as to why the garden is in its current state (it’s only partially my fault- really).

Every year I get spring fever right about the time the bulb and seed catalogs arrive. Or is it that I get spring fever BECAUSE the catalogs arrive? No matter. Years ago I had time for work and kids and a garden and beautiful flowerbeds. I don’t know if I’m busier or just more tired, but I can’t do it all anymore. Last year I actually PLANTED a vegetable garden, and didn’t go back to tend it for about 6 weeks. I share the garden plot with my girlfriend and in years past, it worked out perfectly. She was busy when I wasn’t and vice versa. This year it was all wrong. We both were so busy we let that garden die.

I vowed that I wasn’t going to do it again, but I probably will. I love playing in the garden- yanking out weeds, patting the soil down around a seedling, watering, and best of all, picking gorgeous, fresh vegetables and fruit. I absolutely know I will not have time to tend it this spring, but I know I won’t be able to resist. If nothing else, I’m going to plant okra- I missed it last summer.

Today’s irresponsible purchase was actually flowers. I bought a plant I’d been wanting to try forever, and one I fell in love with and just HAD to have, and while I was paying shipping anyway, I threw a few more into the basket… I hadn’t spent my Christmas cash from my father-in-law- well, now I have. I will be cursing myself in two months when all those bulbs come in and I don’t have the time or energy to be digging holes…

Other Stuff, Uncategorized

Happy New Year!

shesfired

Last year (after reading Younger Next Year) I vowed to get in shape- and I did! So this year I’m thinking about what I’d like to do, which will include my partial year of retirement.

Gardening

I know that I’m going to be really busy in the first part of the year with my retirement transition, but I would like to at least have a fall garden. I should have plenty of time by then. I used to garden a lot and I loved it. Lately I’ve been too short on time to manage anything but watering my house plants. I’d like to re-do my front flowerbeds as well. I love a project!

Volunteering

I am not sure what I’d like to volunteer for, but this year I’m going to dedicate some time for giving back to others. I’m thinking the food pantry at the moment, but I know there is a free medical clinic in town that could use some help- that sounds interesting too.

House chores

I have been so busy lately my house has gotten completely out of control. My closets are bulging, I am overrun with books that need to be sorted, shelved or donated. I need to update photo albums, repaint the front door and the shutters… I could go on and on. I really like doing all those chores, but they take time I just don’t have right now.

Visiting

My parents are moving 2 hours closer to where I live. I have hardly been to their house except for holidays in the last few years. Both retirement and their relocation will allow me to visit more. I’m going to. A friend of mine moved to the next city over- I’m going to spend more time with her too.

Live life slowly

I am going to not be in such a hurry this year. I’m going to linger over coffee, take a nap when I didn’t sleep well, and have unhurried workouts. I am going to spend more time with my kids on weekends instead of having a million chores to get done. I might even start meditating again…

I know that doesn’t sound too ambitious. I won’t be entirely free of work till July, so I won’t have a whole year to get all of this done. But I bet I can make a good dent in it!

What are your goals for next year?

Financial Stuff, Other Stuff, Uncategorized

The Season of Giving

shesfired

For years I didn’t donate very much to charity. Perhaps when we became financially independent I began to feel safe. In recent years I’ve been donating a lot. And it’s fun!

A month or two ago a group of missionaries came to our church and spoke about their experiences. They set up a table selling religious trinkets to benefit their cause. I really didn’t want anything except a stretchy bead bracelet with a cross on it. It was $3 I think. I wrote a hefty check and left the change. They were astonished, which was fun. I think it’s now the most expensive bracelet I own!

We also write checks to a free health clinic, a foreign orphanage, a food pantry, and housing for the elderly poor, and support for injured military and their families, and our church. The checks are pretty large- my husband winces when he sees them come through the account, but we are incredibly blessed and I think we should share at least some of our good fortune with others who don’t have as much.

Generally I’m cheap, but after the checks I just wrote, that seems a little silly. I guess being cheap the rest of the year excuses generosity in December…

Merry Christmas to you and yours-

Other Stuff, Uncategorized

Why Does Everybody Think I’ll be Bored Without a Job?

shesfired

When I tell someone I’m retiring, they usually ask me what I’m going to do, and then tell me I’ll be bored no time and will find another job. This must be the natural question to ask, because simply everyone does. Even my sister asked, and she is (or was at the time) a stay-at-home mom. There is some kind of odd assumption that since I’ve held a job for 20+ years, I couldn’t just stay at home like lots of women I know.

I’m kind of confused as to why everyone thinks I’ll be bored. I really haven’t ever been bored in my life. My list of interests is long, and I stumble across new things I would like to read up on, or do, or see every day. Also I have a husband, teenage kids, a house, a dog, a cat, and a garden- I have plenty to do, thanks.

So many people have told me that they don’t think I’ll stay retired, I’m beginning to wonder about it. Everyone seems to think I can’t entertain myself without a job. I really have to wonder at people who can’t come up with things to do, without a boss to assign them. What’s that about? And people keep telling me I won’t be happy unless I have something to retire “to.” Hmm- count me skeptical on that as well.

I happen to know a lot of recently retired people thanks to my job. I always ask them what they plan to do in retirement to get an idea of their spending. Many of them don’t have any idea what they’re going to do. They seem to be adjusting well. The ones that do have a plan don’t always end up following it. Sometimes they find a new interest in retirement. Sometimes they have ambitious plans and find that they just like hanging out with their kids or grandkids.

And I have to tell you that most retirees I know LOVE being retired, and soon find themselves quite busy. They often tell me that they can’t believe they ever had time to work. I can also vouch for the fact that they are gone a lot because they are far easier to get in touch with when they’re working. The ones that don’t love retirement are the ones who don’t have any interests or hobbies outside of work, and identify very closely with what they do. I don’t think that’s me at all.

I will admit that I am a “busy” person. I always have a project or something I’m working on. But I am pretty good at keeping myself occupied with assorted interests. I taught myself Spanish during my commute. I like word games of every sort, reading, travelling, gardening, puttering around the house etc. I also have a couple of years worth of maintenance projects around the house.

I bet I’ll invent some new interests along the way. And I’d like to spend more time on the things I already enjoy. I enjoy some house chores when I’m not in a rush. I’d like to spend more time at the gym if I didn’t have to rush home and make dinner.

The question “Retire? But what are you going to do?” always catches me off guard. To my many colleagues who have stay-at-home wives, I’m tempted to reply- “I’m going to do what your wife does.” That seems unnecessarily confrontational though, doesn’t it? “I’m going be a housewife.” would certainly be a conversation stopper. “Whatever I want to.” seems a little flip.

I tend to be a little vague- “I don’t know- I might teach college.” This does sound like an attractive option- I do love the teaching aspect of my job, but I hear the pay is terrible for adjunct professors, and at least at first, I don’t want a schedule. The truth is, I know lots of things that I want to do, and something that I DON’T want to do anymore- my job.

A therapist once told me that no one really knows what they’ll do in retirement before they quit, because you see it through the lens of working. Transitioning to retirement puts you in a whole new place, and you’ll only know what you want to do in retirement once you’re there. I can’t wait to find out!

If you’re retiring early, what is your answer to this question?

Financial Stuff, Other Stuff, Uncategorized

On Marriage and FIRE

shesfired

Lots of the FIRE blogs I read sound like the husband and wife team are perfectly aligned in their goal of FIRE. We’re not. I love to talk about money. I do it for a living. He feels weird about it- not about purchases or investments- he feels weird about discussing our goals, and what we expect to leave our children. It was like pulling teeth to get him to make a will. He didn’t want to discuss life insurance, and he especially didn’t want to talk about retirement.

My husband is the ideal partner for financial independence. He grew up poor with an abhorrence of waste and debt. I learned lots of things from him about managing our home finances, as he’d grown up with parents who were masters at managing on very little income. I was fortunate in meeting him before I had a significant income. I have always been careful to spend within my means, but without his influence, I might have developed some spendy habits.

We grew up entirely differently. My parents are upper middle class, we lived in a beautiful home and went to private schools. Mom and Dad had gone to college and we were expected to do the same. They are financially quite well off and are currently enjoying a lovely retirement. They didn’t mind debt though, and they were usually making a few payments on something or other. They thought that was normal and so did I. I remember reading a personal finance book when I was a teen and telling my dad it would be awesome if you could buy a house by just saving up and not having a mortgage. He told me that nobody could do that.

My husband’s family lived on land adjoining his grandparents. They had chickens before it was fashionable- and an outhouse. His parents weren’t college educated, and they lived in a house his dad built with his own hands. They grew or killed most of the food they ate. No one retired where he grew up- they just worked until they physically couldn’t anymore. Neither one of his parents EVER owned a credit card.

I grew up expecting to go on vacation. My parents went on AT LEAST two vacations a year. So after we’d been married a year or two, I brought up the subject of vacation. He said we “couldn’t afford it”. This was absurd. We certainly could afford it, but I realized that “we can’t afford it” is what he heard to nearly every request at his house that required money.

He adjusted to the idea that vacations were important to me, even if he didn’t care about them. I adjusted to the idea that not all vacations had to be extravagant. I realized that maybe we didn’t need all the things my parents had- my husband hadn’t needed them, and we certainly didn’t need to finance- well anything.

Fast forward to about 6 years ago when I started getting serious about retiring early. At this point, thanks to our 12 years of frugal marriage, we have a big pile of savings that I am planning on using for us to retire early. This is where we can’t see eye to eye- in fact he didn’t even want to talk about it. He didn’t want to retire, and didn’t want me to retire either. He actually implied that I was lazy for not wanting to work anymore. There was definitely something going on here. I showed him numbers, charts and graphs, but he wouldn’t, or perhaps couldn’t think about this.

Along the way, I went to a work conference and learned about generational differences- this hadn’t even occurred to me. My husband is eight and a half years older than me and the last of the baby-boomers. I am Gen-X. He views work as some sort of virtue. I have to admit that I love his work ethic- he is the hardest working man I know and that makes me feel safe. But I don’t share his compulsion to work. I view work as what you do in order to get money. Unless you would do your job for free, when you have all the money you are ever reasonably going to spend, why would you keep working?

And if all this wasn’t enough, the four years I waited to retire allowed a lot of growth in our portfolio. We probably need to spend more than we ever did when we were working- and he is not comfortable with this. I am frugal so that we will have money for the things we really want to do in retirement. I didn’t work hard just to HAVE money, I want to have the freedom to do whatever I want to with my time, and do and see the things I want to. He just likes to have it- it makes him feel safe.

We don’t agree about kids inheritances either. Attaining financial independence is one of the proudest achievements in my life (so far). We worked hard and saved hard and achieved it all on our own. I don’t want to take that away from our children by leaving them too much money. He would like to give them opportunities (to start a business perhaps) that we didn’t have. We’re still debating that one- hopefully we have plenty of time.

We’re making progress, sort of. He’s learned to like vacation and is mostly a good sport when I drag him all over the world with me. He now occasionally brings up things he’d like to do when we’re retired. He’s begun to ask questions when I talk about nerdy things like withdrawal rates and the optimal time to take Social Security. Some things he still doesn’t want to talk about- but that’s okay. I get it. This whole thing is a little weird for both of us. We have more money than either of us ever dreamed of. And quitting- its still scary.

What do you and your spouse agree or disagree on?