Category: Post Retirement

Sorry I’ve been away for awhile. I used to laugh at my retired clients when they told me that they were so busy that they didn’t know how they used to have time to go to work! I certainly could not have squeezed work between all of my activities the last few weeks…

Weekends do not appear to be any less busy with only one kid in the house. A couple of weekends ago when my son had a friend over and I was surveying the damage two teenage boys can do to a kitchen, I muttered to myself that I couldn’t wait till Monday came around. Then I laughed at myself, because during my career, I positively hated Mondays. I also spent all weekend trying to keep up with the house chores, so I wouldn’t have to deal with a wrecked house Monday morning. Now I just let it slide. I enjoy my weekends with the rest of the family and then Monday morning, I happily wave my husband off to work and drop my child off at his high school. I smile all the way home and have a relaxing second cup of coffee before I set the house to rights.

I move all of the “out of place” items back to where they go. The living room generally contains several pairs of shoes, glasses, books, electronic things, pieces of mail, pillows, blankets, and some laundry. I am told that girl children do not leave clothes in every single room of the house, but I only have boys, so I have no first hand knowledge. There are always socks. In the winter, there are always sweatshirts and coats. I occasionally find underwear. I do not ask. I just pick them up and proceed to the next room. In an hour or two, the house looks like its supposed to, and the dishwasher and washing machine are cheerfully doing their thing. Time for another cup of coffee.

Honestly, I mostly enjoy the process. Its quiet, and it doesn’t take long to see progress. I used to hate it, but that’s when I was tired and had to do it either before bed or after work. I must confess that I do not actually do all the cleaning. When I was pregnant with my oldest son, I hired a cleaning service to come in every other week and do the dusting, clean bathrooms, change sheets, mop floors, etc. I kept up with everything else- dishes, laundry, day to day cleaning, cooking etc. It was a great help. I vowed to clean my own house when I retired, but I haven’t done it yet. I am thinking about it. The cost of a cleaning service has gone up and up, and the quality of the cleaning isn’t amazing. I do love coming home to a clean house though. I’m keeping the house cleaner for now.

Speaking of cleaner, if anyone was wondering about my diet, I am feeling much better recently. I try not to eat any bread I haven’t baked myself, and I avoid most preservative-laden foods. That means I’m cooking nearly everything from scratch. Its hard sometimes, but I haven’t had allergy issues since I started watching what I ate. The only downside is that I really like homemade bread. I eat more of it than I probably should, and as a result I weigh a few more pounds than I ought to. I’m still plenty slim by most standards though, so I’m counting that as a win.

I’ve started back volunteering at the hippotherapy barn, which is both heartwarming, and emotionally rough. It is especially so since my friend who runs the barn is doing very poorly. Her cancer has spread, and though the doctors are still trying new treatments, she looks worse every time I see her. She is the most determined woman, and it speaks volumes that she is not at the barn every morning. She just physically can’t anymore. I don’t know how to put into words how difficult it is to watch.

Fall gardening has commenced. It gets too hot in the middle of the summer to maintain gardens, and nearly everyone’s garden gets a bit out of control. The first cool front should arrive next week. I have already pulled the summer vegetables out and put fall ones in. Next project is to deal with the weeds that came up in the camellia garden. It will be a monumental task, but its going to happen next month. The weeds must die, then I’ll begin raking the pine straw (that has already begun to fall) for mulch. Most of the camellias have survived and about 80% of them have buds. I can’t wait to see them bloom!

Favorite retirement activity of the week: About a year ago, my nephew and his wife moved to a town about an hour and a half from here. We are their closest relatives. I drove over there one day last week to see their new baby. Three hours of driving for a two hour visit isn’t practical, but it sure was fun. What a cute baby he is!

The first camping trip in a new camper is generally a “learning experience” and this one certainly was. We learned the last time we took a “first trip” that its better not to be too far from a store and restaurant. This one was a bit better since we were more experienced campers. We had a better idea of what to take and leave at home, but a new camper takes a bit of learning. The funniest story is that my husband accidentally connected the water hose to the wrong tank- he connected it to the one you use to clean out the septic tank. Fortunately we caught it just before the water overflowed and came spilling out of the toilet!

The new camper is roomier with more storage, and we enjoyed using it. We went to a campground just 40 minutes from our house with a big creek running through it. The creek is the perfect temperature- not so cold that your submerged parts get numb, but very refreshing in August. The water is crystal clear and the depth varies from shallow wading areas to deeper swimming holes. There are sandy beaches scattered along its length for rest stops and exploring. The current is swift, and the creek is perfect for kayaking. We made several short kayak trips every day.

My youngest son wanted to go kayaking with his friend on a longer trip. To do this, you put in at the campground and pick up the kayaks about 15 miles downstream at a bridge in the next town. Unfortunately, it rained the entire 5 hour trip, and there was no shelter between the drop-off and pick-up points. The boys were soaked, and my son fried what was essentially a brand new phone. It got water in it even though it was in a plastic bag. Except for the weather, it seemed like a good trip and I’ll be trying it myself one day soon.

This camper has full-sized bunks, which were more comfortable for our teenagers. It might also have been the last camping trip with all of us, as the following week, college started. We all enjoyed the trip, and hope we’ll be able to to it again before my husband tows the camper to Louisiana to become a fishing camp till spring.

Friday, after dropping our youngest son off at his high school, we loaded our oldest son’s gear up and drove him 5 hours to his University. We unloaded his stuff, and after a lovely dinner with some relatives who live right next to campus, our son gave us a quick hug and drove away. I thought it wouldn’t be an emotional moment, as he had been at a boarding school for a couple of years, but somehow it was different. More final. I didn’t cry, but I have to admit I’m a bit sad today.

And with that, summer is over. As much as I look forward to summer, I look forward to it being over too. The hectic pace of summer, plus having kids in the house all the time, and with their crazy eating and sleeping schedules is tiring. I am looking forward to tomorrow morning, when everybody is leaving the house except for ME! I have a long list of things I need to do that I have been putting off all summer (pets to the vet’s office, assorted appointments for me, etc) but tomorrow I might just lay around and read a book. I had a really busy week that included driving more than 15 hours. I was accustomed to this sort of schedule when I was working, but I’m not anymore and I’m longing for some alone time.

Favorite Retirement activity of the week- I saw an elderberry bush loaded with shiny black berries on the way back from camping. It was a country road and a Friday morning with no cars in any direction. I wasn’t in a hurry, so I pulled off on the side of the road with my trusty clippers and cut a grocery bag full. When I got home, I looked up a recipe and made myself some elderberry syrup. Delicious!

Yes, I know, I said we had decided not to but… I’d better start at the beginning. So several years ago (8 maybe) we bought an inexpensive used camper for some recreational camping with the kids, etc. We used it to go to Disneyworld, the beach and a few other destinations. The truth is, I didn’t love it. I do love camping itself. I loathe camping preparation though- all the packing and food prep, trying to think of easy to prepare meals, etc. Trying to do it all while working was especially stressful. And when we were IN the camper, there were the frustrations of 4 people living in 200 square feet of space with nearly no storage. Someone was always leaving their shoes in the middle of the floor for someone else to trip over.

My husband used the camper for work quite a bit- it was cheaper and more pleasant for him than staying in a hotel. He also used it for fishing in South Louisiana- his favorite fishing areas don’t have many accommodations. He left the camper in Louisiana and used it a few weekends a month. The rent became even cheaper when a friend offered to pitch in with the rent if he could use it too.

Everybody was happy with the camper situation till hurricane Sally came through. The camper got blown over. My husband paid someone $400 to have it picked back up, and then my husband pronounced it fine. I was a little skeptical. I’d been less and less willing to stay in it since a mouse had been discovered under one of the kitchen cabinets. After the hurricane, the awning didn’t work and there was a small leak in the roof. Still, my husband didn’t want to part with it and repaired and continued to use it. His roommate stopped paying and so the rent abruptly doubled. He mostly fished in the fall and early spring so this summer he decided to bring it home to save on rent.

I used to fish with my husband a lot- back before we had kids. I haven’t been fishing with him in years, because its hard to fish with 4 people on a boat. If one kid stayed home, it was generally me staying with them. This summer when it was time to bring the camper back, my younger child was at camp, and my older child is old enough to stay at home by himself- he doesn’t particularly like to fish. So I went fishing with my husband- just the two of us. I had forgotten how much fun it is! We had so much fun we rented a place to stay for when we came back to pick up the boat. Unfortunately, covid struck, and our youngest son came home from camp early. He was clear to go fishing with us by the time our reservations rolled around though. We had a good time fishing with him too, though he was ready to come in long before we did.

The RV, though, was still awful. On the way home with it, I told my husband that we ought to replace it. He said that it was fine for what we were using it for. I pointed out that it had a musty smell, and had previously had a leak. It had been rolled over, had experienced electrical problems, there was a soft spot in the shower, and I didn’t like staying in it. We are no longer poor, and we don’t have to buy a really expensive one. Just something newer that hadn’t had mice living in it…

He wasn’t hard to convince, and two weeks later has gone to pick up our new (to us) camper. Its about 5 years old, but bigger and lighter than our last one. This is important, because if it had been heavier, we’d have had to buy a bigger truck. The car market is still tight and there are no good deals to be had there. To my astonishment, the RV dealer was willing to take our nasty old camper as a trade. Honestly, we’d gotten a ton of use out of it and I thought it was a piece of junk. I’d have been happy giving it away. So for 14K, we have significantly upgraded our camper.

This is not at all what we had intended to do- we had been planning on buying a 5th wheel camper and bigger truck and travelling all over the US. This camper will be for more local trips in the summer near here and for fishing in the fall and winter in Louisiana. It was also about $76K less than what we had planned on spending for the first plan. This camper might work for what we had originally intended, but it might not. We’ll have fun finding out though, and it would have been a few years till we could travel as significantly as we wanted to anyway. There is fishing in our future though, and some other trips too. Next year my youngest wants to be a counselor at the camp he’s attended for years. He’ll be gone for FIVE WEEKS! Oh, the possibilities…

Favorite retirement things for this week- Covid quarantine is a lot more tolerable without the stress of work. Also fishing on a weekday means never having to struggle to find a parking spot, never dealing with a traffic jam at the boat launch, and not finding your “secret” fishing spot with 3 other boats already parked over it!

I got a phone call from a former leader at my old job one morning when I was weeding a flowerbed. I was quite surprised since at that point I was no longer employed. She wanted to know if I wanted to come to my company’s annual summer meeting. I was torn. On the one hand I always hated those meetings. On the other, the one thing I regretted about the whole retirement during covid mess was that I didn’t get to say goodbye to friends and colleagues I worked with for 25 years. I asked if, instead of coming for the whole meeting (3-4 days), I could just come one evening for dinner. So that’s what I did.

I arrived at about 3pm, and went down to meet some friends at the pool. I probably should have skipped that part. I never liked discussing business in a bathing suit, and business is all I have in common with some of those people. Later we all went down to dinner- the usual terrible taco buffet. But that’s when I got to see all of my old friends who had been absent at the pool. I hadn’t seen any of these folks since the summer of 2019 before I announced my retirement.

I was really glad I did it- I got to hug a few colleagues I really enjoyed working with, and I will probably never see again. I got to thank some of my mentors, and some younger co-workers thanked me for my help over the years. It was nice. It also made me even more thankful I don’t work there anymore. The company’s policies have been changing rapidly and I didn’t talk to anyone who was happy about it.

There were a ton of questions about how I was enjoying my retirement and what I was doing with my time. I was asked if I was bored about a million times. I’m not. A lot of people asked if I missed working at all. I miss some of my clients, and I miss having problems to solve, but I do not miss having a job. I do not miss the daily 9-5, I do not miss the stress, and I do not miss the corporate nonsense. Some people asked if I was going to try some other kind of paid employment. I explained that while I was working I kind of daydreamed about a part time teaching position at one of the local universities. It seemed like fun when I was exhausted from dealing with my job, but now it seems like something else to clutter up my blissfully loose schedule. I LOVE doing what I want to whenever I feel like doing it.

Obviously one guy thought the things I’ve been doing didn’t sound like enough to keep him busy. He kept asking questions, and finally asked if I had any plans for the future, or something like that. “Yes,” I told him. “I’ve decided to walk the Camino Santiago.” “The what?” he asked. I explained as best I could. Its an ancient pilgrimage across Europe to the church in Spain where St James the apostle is buried. There are paths all across Europe to do this but the most popular one is from a small town in France (St Jean Pied de Port) to Santiago Spain. Its about 500 miles. But really, every pilgrim left from their own home, so you can start anywhere, and you don’t have to hike all of it- or you could start farther away and hike longer if you want to. You don’t get a certificate if you don’t hike at least 70 miles though. I plan to walk a lot farther than that.

He was completely speechless, but apparently was intrigued by the idea, because several other people asked me about it later in the evening. Are you going to do the whole thing? Are you going to carry all of your stuff in a backpack? Maybe and yes. I’m serious about it, too. I want to do things I couldn’t while working. And I want to do them when I’m still physically able to do challenging activities like this. I probably won’t be able to for at least a year- maybe two. I still have a 15 year old in the house who needs to be dropped off at school every day, and a husband who leaves for work too early to do that. Pretty soon, I’ll be able to, though. This is another thing I never imagined myself doing when I retired- I’m going to walk hundreds of miles to Santiago Spain.

Favorite retirement perk of the week? A friend had a fight with her boyfriend and had an extra ticket to see Hamilton in New Orleans. It was a on a Thursday night, and she asked me to go with her since I didn’t have to ask for time off of work. It was wonderful- if you get the chance- go see it!

One of the things I love most about travel are the things I discover along the way. One thing I noticed on this trip (about day 3) is that I felt great- really great, no matter what I ate. I realized years ago that I was sensitive to wheat, and when I stopped eating so much of it, my migraines stopped entirely, and my allergies improved a lot. I recently stopped drinking alcohol for the same reason. Even a little bit made me feel terrible the next day. But I went to France, and France makes the best bread, pastries, and wine in the world. I wasn’t going to skip bread, or croissants, or wine in France. I had them all. And all of those things, which make me feel terrible in the U.S. did not make me feel terrible in France. In fact, I felt really, really good, every single day.

When I was telling my friends about my trip, two different people related how much better they felt in Europe too. One of them mentioned it after I did, but one of them mentioned it before I even brought it up. What if it isn’t the wheat and alcohol that make me feel bad? What if it is the additives that American food manufacturers put in nearly all of our food, that European nations do not allow? A friend of mine from Ireland once asked me what it is that Americans put in bread that makes it last 3 weeks, because it starts going bad after 3 days in Ireland. Interesting question. I googled it, and we put a LOT of additives and preservatives in our bread- perhaps that’s why I’m so sensitive to it. My friend who makes wine says that the big producers here put a lot of additives in wine here that aren’t allowed in France. I had no idea. I was discussing it with my family and my oldest son (who loves trivia) told me that American corpses decay more slowly than they used to- because all the preservatives we are consuming are preserving us too. That can’t be good for you!

I’m going to try to eat cleaner than I have been. I do pretty well, though. We eat very little fast food or packaged food. I cook nearly everything from scratch except for bread. I even make my own mayonnaise. We eat fresh fish (that we catch) and game that we and our families kill. And of course we eat from our garden and fruit trees, and we get fresh eggs from our neighbor across the street. I haven’t been paying close enough attention to some ingredients though, and I think I can do better.

The first few days I was home I woke up with crushing allergy headaches. Its worth a little extra effort not to feel like this in the morning. I am envious of Europeans though, for whom eating clean is easy. I loved shopping at local markets in France. We bought the best olive oil we’ve ever tasted from the couple who grew the olives and processed the oil themselves. We bought fruit from the owners of the orchard and cheese from the lady who made it. It is a great deal more difficult to do that here.

Today I went to my local store to buy a few things, including some unbleached flour. They didn’t have any. I’m going to try stores in a slightly larger town down the road. And as shocking as grocery items have become, there may even be a few organic items in my cart. If I feel as good as I did in France, it will be worth the extra time and money- I will let you know how it goes.

I think I’m going to end every post with something I did this week that I couldn’t have done if I hadn’t retired early. This week, I dragged my teens out of bed because the cleaning lady was coming and I wanted them out of her way. We did an errand in town and then headed to our river cabin. We have been in a heat wave here, and the wind died, which made it miserable unless you were water-skiing. So that’s what we did. We skied on a glass smooth river all the way down to a sandbar that is jam-packed on weekends. Because it was a weekday, there were only 3 boats there. We cooled off in the water and then skied back to the cabin before heading back to a clean house. It was a good day!

At the beginning of the year, I decided to put in a shade garden in my yard. Camellias have always been among my favorite flowers, but I have a rather sunny yard, and camellias prefer some shade. I did have a good spot for camellias, but while I was working I barely had time to maintain the flowerbeds around my house.

I’m not working anymore so I decided to get started. I didn’t want to make more obstacles to mow around, so I decided to put in a giant shade garden encompassing 5 pine trees. I paced off where I wanted to put the bed, and started raking up pinestraw. Our home is on several acres of pine trees so we have all the pine straw we need for mulching flowerbeds. After two days of raking, I decided I wanted a pine straw rake (that you pull behind a lawnmower) for my birthday.

While I was raking, I was also daydreaming about what gorgeous camellias I wanted in the garden. In order to learn more about them, I went on a tour of the winter garden at our local Botanical Garden. Oh My. (This is where the obsession began.) I had gone with the intention of taking down the names of a few camellias I would like to have, and I ended up with pages and pages of names and descriptions. I wanted them all. Imagine my surprise when my local garden center had exactly zero of the varieties I wanted. I have since learned that there are more than three thousand named cultivars.

I started attending camellia shows for the accompanying camellia sales, and to ask the other camellia addicts where they got their stash… I found a few at the sales, and several from a nursery that specialized in old varieties. A mail order catalog supplied a few more. At one point my husband asked me where, exactly, I was going to plant all of these camellias. Then he asked me if I was done yet. Maybe? I probably I am done for now because of the weather. Its best to plant camellias in the fall or winter, and its nearly spring here already.

What did I buy? At least 30 varieties. I bought I bought High Fragrance, Survivor, Tiny Princess and Frank Houser hybrid camellias, and so many camellia japonicas. I have Black Tie, Carter’s Sunburst, Lady Clare, Royal Velvet, Debutante, Pink Perfection, Jacks, Victory White, Purple Dawn, La Peppermint, Dr Tinsley, Blood of China, Herme, Yours Truly, Magnoliaeflora, Mathotiana Alba, April Blush, R L Wheeler, Mathotiana Supreme, Madge Rouse, Sea Foam, Blue Ridge Sunset, White Empress, Rose Dawn, and probably a few others. I bought Kanjiro, Mine No Yuki, Bonanza, and Cotton Candy Sasanquas. There are also two unnamed varieties, one from a shrub that belonged to my husband’s grandmother.

I would like to tell you that I’m done buying camellias, but I’m probably not. I have a spot designated for a new flowerbed that I’ll probably install this fall, and a list of camellias I’d like to put in it. I’m also going to try my hand at propagating several antique varieties that I can’t locate at local or mail order nurseries.

I didn’t just plant camellias, I also planted hydrangeas, gardenias, 6 kinds of ferns, caladiums, Japanese maple trees, dogwood trees, fatsia, lenten roses, Clethra, hardy Gloxinia, calla lilies, toad lilies, irises, spider lilies, leopard lilies, ground orchids and more. I also bought a tea camellia because it was interesting (I have a lot of weird stuff in my garden for this reason). There is only about 6 weeks left of planting season until October- it simply gets too hot here. Which doesn’t mean I’ll be idle. The next garden projects are installing a stone path through the garden and talking my husband into building a frame for a swing to be installed at the end of the path. I will also be putting a stone walkway from the front door to the driveway.

Gardening (the way I do it, anyway,) is quite a lot of work. I don’t get a lot of use out of my gym membership when the weather is nice here. Yesterday, after volunteering in the morning and working in the garden in the evening, my step counter showed 34,000 steps. Today I “only” got 14000. Pretty soon though, it will be too hot for much yardwork, and I’ll go back to the gym.

Camellias are tough shrubs once they’re established. In a few years, all I will have to do is apply a spring dose of fertilizer and prune if needed. Most of the other plants are perennials, and I chose plants that hopefully won’t need too much care either.

I don’t expect all of them to do well. Gardening is a trial-and-error endeavor. A plant tag will recommend full sun, full shade, or partial shade, but there are so many variations of that. In addition, plant tags are usually meant for more moderate conditions than we have here. Nearly everything appreciates some shade in summers as hot as ours. Sometimes a plant likes the soil- or hates it. The only way to really tell if a plant will love an area is to plant one and see. The ones that do well will spread and I’ll put them in the spots where the unhappy plants used to be.

Everything I chose was low maintenance. I’m done with high maintenance plants that aren’t suited to here. I’m simply not going to do a complicated schedule of spraying, etc. I usually remember to fertilize in the spring, and water when its really dry. If a plant can’t survive on that, out it goes (if it doesn’t die first). Lilacs, roses, and peonies don’t like this climate, and I don’t want to coddle them. I’ll be babying all of the plants this first year though, to make sure they get a good start. The shade garden will be beautiful in about a month. The first camellia blooms should appear in October. They’re going to be so beautiful!

I have been busy lately, which is why I haven’t been posting. It’s hard to explain exactly what I’ve been doing. I know because when I try to explain it to people, their expressions tell me that what I’m doing shouldn’t be taking up all my time. I know that I could get more done. I have accomplished an insane amount of stuff in a day when I had to, but I usually came stomping into the house in a bad mood at the end of the day. To illustrate the difference, let me tell you about my day on Thursday.

I spied a marketplace ad on Facebook at the beginning of the week- someone was selling about $300 worth of soap making supplies (that I did not need) for $25. I wanted it, so I emailed her and she said I could come get it on Thursday. She lives about an hour from my house. Now do I know this is a silly errand? Yes I do. But I want to and I’m retired, so I can. To make this trip look better on paper, I called my parents and asked if Thursday was a good day to visit since I was headed an hour in their direction anyway. It was.

Thursday morning, I got up and got dressed and dropped the teenager off at school. I had coffee with a friend and then texted my parents to let them know I was on my way. I cranked my radio up and sang songs loudly (heavy metal if you were wondering) on the route to my parents house. When I was about halfway there, I realized that I was going to pass a plant nursery that I had been wanting to see. My parents are garden junkies too, so I called and asked if they wanted to meet me there or if they would prefer that I stop on my way out. They wanted to see it too, so they met me at the Nursery. We spent a pleasurable hour oohing and aahing over the plant selection and exclaiming at the shocking prices before choosing a few treasures and retreating to their house.

We looked around mom’s garden, and then had soup and sandwiches, and gossiped about their latest visit to my sister’s house. This was particularly amusing as my sister had already called to tell me HER version of the visit. Needless to say, there were glaring differences in the accounts, and I laughed to myself and plastered an innocent smile on my face. We talked about my kids and their doctor’s visits and everything else we could think of, and then I hugged them and set off to pick up my stuff.

I’d never been to the town where the lady was selling the soapmaking supplies, but it was a pretty place, and I have made a mental note to come back. The lady was quite nice, and loaded me down with more supplies than I expected, and even included a homegrown loofah with seeds. I have been wanting to try to grow one, and I even know where I’m going to plant it. I gave her a box of MY homemade soap, which she was delighted with. Anyway, I threw everything in the back of the car and headed home. Being in a particularly silly mood, I chose my “Ridiculous Country Songs” playlist, and sang all the way home. It is impossible not to grin while you are singing “Goodbye Earl” by the Dixie Chicks, or “One More Last Chance” by Vince Gill.

I arrived home just as my son got home from school and had him help me carry in my new treasures. I opened up the boxes in front of the fire and plotted what kind of soap to make next. It was a good day. Why? I had all the time in the world, I spent time with my parents, wasted time shopping for plants just for the fun of it, and didn’t hurry back.

And yet, when someone asks me what is so great about retirement and I tell them- because I can drive two hours to visit my parents, shop for plants and pick up treasures from Facebook marketplace on a weekday, they look at me like I’m crazy. It does lose something in the telling…

I haven’t posted in awhile- I’ve been very busy! I worked with a lot of retirees, and always laughed a bit when they told me they were busier in retirement than they had been at work. Its true-ish. The difference (for me) is that the kind of busy I am in retirement doesn’t leave me tired or anti-social at the end of the day. My husband and I took our teenage boys to a car show this weekend- such fun! On Tuesday I’m headed to Mexico to spend a few days with a college friend, and a few weeks after that I’m off to Chile with another friend- for TWO WEEKS! Yay! Back to the post…

For more than 20 years I worked in a small southern town about two blocks off of the courthouse square. Friends would stop by to say hello on the way to file something or pay something at the courthouse. Clients would stop by for a business related item, but then stay for a cup of coffee or a bit of conversation. My after-work or lunchtime trip to the grocery store had me bumping in to other friends who were doing the same.

My career forced me to be more social than I naturally am- causing me to sometimes hide in my room when I got home from work after a busy day. Especially when work was stressful, I just didn’t want any more social interactions than what I’d already “enjoyed” during work hours. For the first month or two I was retired, I was perfectly happy sitting at home. Then, I was… not. I would occasionally bump into friends in town at the grocery store or post office, but I began to feel a bit isolated. So I started scheduling lunches and other assorted outings with my friends instead of waiting to bump into them by chance. I rejoined a ladies night out group I’d let fall by the wayside, and of course I started volunteering- in no small part because of the really nice group of ladies who also work there.

I’d read about very early retirees having trouble finding a peer group. That hasn’t necessarily been the case for me, but I’m a bit older. At 49, there are quite a few retired teachers my age to pal around with, and I’m not very particular about the age of my friends. I have a few that are quite a bit younger than I am, and a few that are older than I am. Some of my favorite former clients have become interested in hanging out, and that’s been fun too. I’m happy with a good deal less social time than I was before though, and I have days when I don’t go any further than my own backyard!

Its a bit of an adjustment though- getting enough social time used to be effortless- all I had to do was go to work. Now I schedule it. The good thing is that I have social time when I want to, and not when I don’t. The bad thing is that I miss the pleasant surprise of an old friend dropping by. Also, while I really enjoy having a leisurely coffee with friends, I’m having a bit of trouble with the idea that I have become that person in the coffee shop I used to wonder about. You know, the one dressed too comfortably for any kind of work, not tapping on a laptop or doing something busy-looking on a phone. Maybe reading or chatting, and NOT looking at her watch. I’m also a woman at that table of ladies in a restaurant who got there before you, and shows no signs of leaving even though lunch hour is over and the food has been cleared away. Its mental I know. I’ve thought of myself as a career woman for so long that its hard to make the shift to thinking of myself as- a lady of leisure? A housewife? Retired? It doesn’t bother me a whole lot, thankfully- certainly not enough to go back to work.

This is about to come up again in a different way- it already has in small doses. Thanks to the pandemic, we haven’t been social except among friends who already know my situation. The few times I’ve introduced myself to someone new, I always get the question about what I do. “I’m retired,” often gets met with a silence or a confused stare and a rapid change of subject from whomever I’m talking to. I wonder if I should change the way I answer that question. Or not. Something interesting to ponder…